STAR BABE (1977)

[cinemasewer]

Star Babe (1977 Dir: Ann Perry)
Pretty much everything you need to know about Star Babe arrives in the form of narration in the first minute as we hurtle through the depths of space:

“In the year 2080, god created three lovely space maidens. One was born on the planet Shook, her name was Star Babe. The planet of Eros gave us our second space lady named Twinkle Toes. Our third femme fatale was from the outer regions called Milky Way, and that also was her name. These three lovely creatures worked for the united world space agency. Their assignment was to take their space craft to the planet Phallus, rumoured to be plotting an overthrow of Earth. Our three ladies were instructed to interrogate the local government men in their various talented ways. Their ultimate goal: find and decode the plans for the earth overthrow… and stop them!”

This has to be the most welfare sci-fi film ever created for theatrical projection. Seriously, the monitors in their spaceship are just a few old tv sets, the walls are papered in tin foil, and creature FX on display consist of some douchebag in a dusty old gorilla suit. And don’t even get me started on all the boring NASA stock footage. Still, you have to respect the brass labias on director Ann Perry for this blatant Star Wars cash-in, especially after you witness the Cantina scene. In Star Babe it takes place at “The Anus Bar”, which is just a shitty run-down strip club populated by guys in ill-fitting rubber masks wearing bed sheets!

You have to see this crap to believe it, especially when Darth Vader and his stormtroopers show up to fuck on a hay bale (shhh, don’t tell George Lucas). And you know what? Lets just pretend we didn’t see the scene where Star Babe finally finds the plans in a guy’s asshole while she’s in the middle of tonguing it.

— Robin Bougie